Party in my Dorm: A Video Game Book Report
Sometimes, I play role playing video games for teens on my phone. They’re typically made for Asian teens and have a very weak translation into English. Which means that my new game Party in my Dorm by the makers “I Love College,” is going to be a big departure. For one, I expect the drawings will be less anime and less pretty, and I will be less excited about winning clothes. For two, the bad writing will not be blamed on a cheap translation service; it will be bad writing in English. Perhaps I judge too harshly: maybe Party in my Dorm will be a deft, detailed foray into the collective memory of college.
What I believe the game will be: I join a sorority because I am hot and have to compete to get enough beer.
What I think I will rate the game: Over a thousand people and bots have spoken; Party in my Dorm is a 3.9 star game. I’m just guessing: I will give it a median 3.
Day One:
As I dive in to gameplay, I ask myself: Who is Party in my Dorm for? Is it for teens too unsophisticated to imagine what a real college party would be like (though it’s rated 17+)? Is it for college students who want to live a virtual parallel to their current lives? Is it for adults who partied hard in college and miss it? One thing is probable: it’s not for the elderly.
I am disappointed that there are only 8 avatars to choose from, 4 boys and 4 girls. Hopefully I’ll get to customize clothes and hair styles later. I ask my Instagram followers (I have a healthy but not large number) what I should name my avatar. Ken McGraw answers first; Krystal is born.
I think maybe I own the dorm? I get to rent out the room above me to the only applicant, a cheerleader. Yes, I am the landlord of this dorm. I get a second tenant, a Goth Girl. I fill up as many dorms as I can afford with Goth Girls and Sorority Girls. No men in my dorm, I decide. They are too much to deal with after last week’s confirmation hearings. The dorm I own is 32 stories high.
Then I do some odd jobs, like “Food Run,” “Note Taking,” and “Sign Up for Class.” These cost energy and pay money, though it’s unclear who is paying me or why.
The action of the game is driven by completing tasks, which my R.A. and other dorm randos text me about. One of my tasks is to make friends. I can make friends by joining a club, which are full of other real people playing Party in my Dorm. The very first club I see is called *the freaks play house.* I’m told “This is a club where anything goes cum let your freak out.” I know this is the club for me, so I join it.
One of my new friends is named ChrisSavage19. His status is “Rip my brother.” My status is “I am an elderly person.” I think we will have a lot in common. Another new friend is Zaddy01. He asks me how old I am over and over. I tell him I am elderly; he is very mad. He will not be invited to my all lady dorm, I can tell him that much.
Oh no. One of my jobs is “Fight the Mascot.” I don’t want to do it, but Party in my Dorm demands. My follow up task is “Team Sugar Mama: The team needs new jerseys and is looking at you to seduce a sugar mama!” What team?? I know *the freaks play house* would never make me enter into a sexual relationship just to buy jerseys.
I meet Tess, who is openly drinking a martini in her dorm. She asks me to find her lost earring by completing stories. I am all about it.
Otherwise, *the freaks play house* has turned out to be a pretty fun experience. Our first party is called Fake Art 101. I get to knit a scarf, write a photo essay, find a dead cactus and construct a Geodesic dome. I can take one of 4 actions: Lecture, Snark, Sigh and Rave. I do all 4 just for fun, but rave is my favorite.
Day One Review
The game itself is fun enough, but I boy did I not enjoy having an open inbox to the internet. Zaddy01 is not the only creep out there, just the only one I responded to. Also, I don’t get fun rewards for completing tasks for the most part. I would like fewer creeps and more clothes. Still, the writers are clearly enjoying themselves, even if they really hate mascots. 2/5 stars.
Day Two
They say hell is other people, and Party in My Dorm agrees. In life, I chose not to interact with strangers much. If a man with a clipboard tries to stop me on the street, I keep on moving. If an egg comments on my Twitter feed, I do not look at that egg. Unfortunately, Party in my Dorm demands that I interact with internet strangers as a basic function of the game. To opt out is to not play.
I am assigned two tasks that ask me to interact with the humans playing Party in my Dorm. One: be gifted ten root beets. Two: have five people hire me as a tutor. These are not tasks I can cheat; I have to ask my “friends” for help. The problem is, Party in my Dorm is full of creeps. I’ve been asked my age a lot. I know I am a healthy 31, yet I feel the answer these men want me to give them is 13.
I don’t mean to imply that all men or creeps or that all creeps are men. But I’ve learned quickly that male avatars want to fill my inbox with jizz and female avatars don’t want to talk to me at all.
Also, I’m shortening the name to PimD now. I’m sure you’ll keep up.
There are other ways to play the game other than completing tasks, yet I am determined to complete tasks. It probably says more about me than PimD; I am a goal oriented person. Plus, I can’t escape the feeling that if I complete enough tasks, another, more complex version of PimD will reveal itself to me. One with a compelling characters, an arc, a story - or one where I can at least give my avatar purple hair. Such a world does not open for me. I finish tasks, and I am given more tasks.
Though I felt bad about it, I abandoned *the freaks play house* for a new club, Death to The Firedog. If that is a reference to anything, I don’t know what it is. All I know is Death to The Firedog HOLDS PARTIES 24/7, and I need to party to complete tasks.
Now is probably the time to tell you that I went to only one proper college party during my tenure at Indiana University. Sure, I went to people’s houses to drink beers in what can be more correctly labeled a gathering than a party. But my only party party occurred first week freshman year. I accompanied my dormmate to the marching band party, which was much more of a fraternity-style rave than I expected. I was the designated driver. I spent most of the night trying to keep my immediately blackout friend from disappearing into a dark room with a senior trumpet player whose bad intentions were louder than his instrument. I ended the night with her throwing up jungle juice on my new jeans.
The parties in PimD are much more my speed. They have themes like Fake Art 101, Cat Cafe, Frisbee Follies, and DIY Tattoo. I complete tasks like Sigh at the Neck Tat Guy. There are no red solo cups. There are no kegs. There are only shadows of the college experience, cast by the fire of a sanitized college brochure and reflected off the mirrors of Zaddy01s.
Day Two Review
Completing tasks makes me feel empty, yet I am compelled. I got my root beers, from lady avatars who dropped them in my inbox and disappeared into the night. No really, several had disabled their accounts by the time I tried to return the favor. 1/5 stars.
Day Three
I’m no longer playing Party in my Dorm. I’m playing Vikings: Rise of the Clans. Yet I am still playing Party in my Dorm. As always, I am trying to complete a task: opening a box with a pet lizard inside. The problem is, I need to buy the key with gems, a currency I can’t earn in-game. There are two ways to get gems. 1: spend real money. 2: play a different phone game that partnered with “I Love College” to cross-promote each other. I chose option two. So while I wait for my energy to refill so I can rage at more dorm parties, I am also building an obelisk and training 50 archeresses. I am a busy person.
If I can be honest, I’m having more fun with Vikings than I am with Dorm. Absolutely no Vikings have asked me a/s/l.
Also, surprise: my dorm went to Japan, seemingly on a whim. Tess is wearing a purple kimono and drinking sake. I have new tasks: Collect 500 bottles of milk. I don’t know what this has to do with Japan. Also, who is paying for this?? I own a dorm; I have tenants I am responsible for. How can I just run off to Japan for eight days? This is why colleges shouldn’t let 18-year-olds own dorms. They have no impulse control and make very bad choices.
I treat myself to a new avatar. She is wearing a beanie, a cardigan, a crop top, short shorts, and thigh high tights. I don’t know what temperature she is dressing for, but she looks pretty cool.
I wish I had more to report, but PimD is just repeating itself. I get tasks; I go to the same parties; I earn money which I can’t spend on anything. I play enough Vikings: Rise of the Clans to get my pet lizard. It’s purple, yet I feel nothing.
Day Three Review
I am glad to leave PimD behind. It truly gave me the experience of a college party, with a promise of youthful fun ruined by men. Even my first friend, ChrisSavage19, has changed his status from “Rip my brother” to “Run up on me and see what gonna happen.” 1/5 stars.
I will not keep playing PimD. I deleted it the minute I published this review.