Quiz: Is this hell or just Cymbalta withdrawal?

Welcome, welcome, to the game show made specially for you by the Eli Lilly Drug Company!

So you’ve stopped taking Cymbalta and suddenly your life is a series of terrors. You’ve Googled it and found this list of common side effects: headache, lightheadedness, dizziness or vertigo, brain zaps, tinnitus, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, sweating, fatigue, fidgeting, muscle cramps, tremors, fast heart rate or heart palpitations, insomnia, vivid or bizarre dreams, increased anxiety, and, shocker, irritability. Boy, that’s a lot of side effects.

How long will you have to endure this? According to Google, as long as six weeks! So buckle up and let’s play the game!

QUESTION ONE: You wake up and feel nauseous. Why?

A. Nausea is a symptom of Cymbalta withdrawal.

B. You were nauseous for the past week. As a result, you’ve eaten mostly just spaghetti for past week. Having no nutrients makes you nauseous.

C. You’re anxious, which is why you started taking Cymbalta. You are no longer taking Cymbalta but you are still anxious. Being anxious also makes you nauseous.

QUESTION TWO: You’re at work, but you’re having trouble focusing. Why?

A. About every five minutes, you get brain zaps. Brain zaps are very distracting.

B. You are so hungry, but every item of food in your house sounds disgusting except for spaghetti and you can only eat so much spaghetti. Being hungry is distracting.

C. Not focusing makes you bad at your job. Being bad at your job can get you fired. If you get fired, how will you pay rent? Worrying about paying rent makes you anxious, which is why you started taking Cymbalta. Being anxious is distracting.

QUESTION THREE: You’re lying in bed, but you can’t sleep. Why?

A. Insomnia is a symptom of Cymbalta withdrawal.

B. You couldn’t focus this afternoon, which means you have a bunch of assignments that are due tomorrow.

C. You’re anxious, which is why you started taking Cymbalta. Being anxious means your mind is racing. Mind racing makes it hard to sleep.

QUESTION FOUR: Your partner gives asks what you want to watch on Netflix. You snap at him because this is the most annoying question anyone has ever asked another person in the history of mankind. Or, you’re just irritable. Why?

A. You couldn’t fall asleep for 3 hours last night. Tired people are irritable.

B. You have been too nauseous to eat real food and even spaghetti is starting to sound gross. But you’re still hungry. Hungry people are irritable.

C. Didn’t you read the side effect list, idiot? Irritability is literally on there!

QUESTION FIVE: Oh, God, now you’re crying. Why?

A. You’re so tired but you can’t sleep (by Sarah McLachlan).

B. There’s a pudding cup in the fridge and you want to eat it because you love pudding but you can’t because pudding is now disgusting.

C. Oh, you just cry whenever now. It’s not on the side effect list but it definitely is one.

RESULTS:

Wait, you expected to find answers after you took this quiz? Don’t be crazy. Because if you’re crazy they might make you take Cymbalta.